Mum On The Outside

When I was pregnant I was living in my childhood dream town. I had my partner, his two dogs and my phone.

I didn’t know anyone, not really.

I used to go out into town daily; window shopping, lunch on the beach or tea in a café. Anything not be sat indoors all day by myself.
I was walking around in a bubble of my own.

I was in a forum group online with other mums to be expecting in the same month. Chat was always about what to buy, clothing that doesn’t fit, opinions on colour schemes for nursery decor.

I received a letter at 25 weeks for 3 antenatal classes. I can’t remember what they were called each one was different. What I do remember was how excited I was to finally meet other mums to be.

Only I didn’t get to attend these classes.

They were scheduled for the week I would have been 35 and 36 weeks pregnant.

My daughter was born the day before my first class.

Fast forward to when we were both at home, working on a routine and generally getting my head around being so sleep deprived.
I received another letter. This one is inviting baby and me to Post Natal group sessions. The hour and half meeting including learning baby massage, weaning techniques, teething, swapping tips and general chat. Finally met new mums all with babies around my daughter’s ages!

Once these sessions ended, I started to look for more things to do. I was mentally bored with one way conversations and I needed to get out of the house.

Mum On The Outside

We went to three a week. Each one different. Each one loved by my daughter, hated by me. The group’s themselves are well run, loads to do, busy and entertaining.

Yet while she’s playing, I’m left on the outside.

I’m the mum who turns up with just baby. I’m the mum who isn’t on maternity leave. I’m the mum who knows no one. I’m the mum who doesn’t fit in.

Despite greeting mums and their babies – putting myself out there. I’m hit with a closed door.

There’s no room for me among their pack, they make facial expressions to each other when I speak. If there were an elephant in the room then that’s me. That’s how they make me feel.

I’m a mum trying to socialise myself as well as my baby.

I can go from group to group throughout the week and barely say anything from a hello.

It’s said that you lose friends when you have a baby, my phone has definitely stopped ringing like it used to. My friends without children don’t seem to understand that short notice arrangements isn’t possible. Nor traveling miles for a night out.

What’s worse is when they use social media to “check-in” to my town, and don’t even ask if I’m free to meet.

It’s not all doom and gloom though, so what I don’t fit in with certain mum groups. I’d rather have a handful of true friends than a group who’ll slag me off behind my back.

I’m thankful to the mums that I have met over the past three years. I am thankful for the laughs, the advice, the mishap parenting and most importantly that your there.

I am a mum on the outside and I’m doing just fine!

4 comments on “Mum On The Outside

  1. Sometimes it’s about finding the right group and it seems that even though you’ve found some good ones, you haven’t found your mummy ‘tribe’ yet. As for your old friends, I think a lot of the time they think you won’t want to come along, or they don’t want to disturb you as a new mum. It gets easier and a bit more of your life before will come back xx

  2. I was soooo lonely and bored when my first baby was born! We were home all day, just me and a child who couldn’t talk back, and we had nothing to do. We shopped a lot. That’s how I became so addicted to Target.

    Do you have MOMS club where you live? They have activities for the kids, but the main idea is that it’s a support group for moms. That’s where I met most of my mom friends. It’s an international club, so they might have a chapter near you. You can check on their website.

  3. Oh being a new mum can be such hard work. I’m home now with my second newborn and admit the idea of the playgroups still make me nervous.
    So sorry you’re finding it hard to find your mum tribe, that truly sucks. Keep at it- you’re brave putting yourself out there, don’t stop being brave xxxx

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